As you can see its been a while since I posted. My last post was during a melt down. Don't look at me like that, you KNOW you've had one or two yourself. I've since started on some new meds. They didn't fix it all, but they give me the will and want to fix it all. I've really been evaluating what about myself I am not happy with and the one thing that always comes to mind first is my weight. Tonight I decided to really look at myself and see what I have and haven't going on so I can accept myself and what my current situation is. The truth is I don't FEEL like a fat person. Sure I have to buy the bigger clothes, I wear out faster than I should, I have a horrible back. I feel all that. But I've really been in denial about the actual physical fat. People tell me, "oh you aren't fat, you're tall so you carry it well." they are being nice. They can't help it. It doesn't matter how tall I am. You can't "carry" obese body fat "well". This evening before I got in the shower I looked at myself in mirror and studied my body. Don't worry, won't be getting too graphic here. I will say I had more asses than I thought I did. What occurred to me is my reaction to how I looked wasn't what I expected. I thought I'd get all self hateful or start crying. But my first thought was, well I guess I have some serious work to do. I think a while back I decided that I was just going to be a fat person and figured I'd better get okay with it. But that's bullshit. That's the kind if thing you say when you've given up. I'm only 33 years old. I have no one to currently worry about except myself unless you count Sherlock. I am an adult woman who should be able to handle taking care of one person. So here's the deal. I have to look at this like any addiction. One day at a time. I will succeed. It won't be a straight path but it will head in the right direction. I've lost about 6 lbs in the last two weeks. My current goal is to lose 3 more by Christmas. Totally doable. That will get me to 290. Then I will set a new goal. Little steps. I'm worth it!
